Imperfect State of Happiness
by Orange sweetness
Summary: UPDATED,really What happens when everything you've ever known and loved has changed? Mia's life suddenly becomes a little more complicated when everything that she has worked to be perfect is slowly crumbling around her.
1. Everything's Made to Be Broken

"I mean come on, we can't live like this!" I stood starring not believing my ears. "We need to get over this we have that we're going to be together, because let's face it, the possibility of that happening is very slim if not impossible." I was about to cry as the words hit my ears with a bitter ring. What was happening? I mean how could this happen?

"Wha-what are you saying? What do you mean this can't work?" I looked at him in bewilderment. He looked amazing, brown hair in his eyes, the eyes and hair that I had fallen in love with so many years ago.

"I mean that we just might not be meant to be like we always thought. It is possible that we were just blinded by puppy love before," the words came out as both speech and random burst of tears that filled the air of his loft like a bad smell.

"But I love you…and if I'm not mistaken you love me too," the words were blurred with the sound of a small whimper.

"I do love you but it's too complicated." By this point I couldn't take it anymore and I had run out of his large door and was heading to the street. I sat on the curb crying softly as I waited for a cab to drive by, as he lived a ways off of the main part of town you always had to call a cab to pick you up.

It might help you understand if you got a little background information. So I'll start at the college days.

He was fine that I wouldn't have sex with him at first but then I realized how frustrated he was getting. I thought that maybe if he could wait just a few more days he'd realize that maybe he wouldn't want sex after all but I knew it was coming. So on the day of his 20th birthday we slept together for the first time. He was so loving and caring and he asked me how I was after and he held me while we slept after.

"Michael," I said after he finally stopped breathing so hard.

"Mia?" he asked holding his hand in my hair softly pushing it back.

"I was wondering, do you think this is going to change our relationship?" He had his arm around my waist holding me safely in his arms.

"Maybe, but not for the bad. I promise that I won't always have my mind on sex or anything." He held his breath waiting for a response.

"Okay," I said softly into his chest.

His sister was always my best friend but we never let Michael and my relationship get in the way of our relationship. She always told me when she thought he was being an ass and when she thought I was being stupid. I secretly think she wanted us to get married so she and I could be sister in laws which would be cool. At the time we seemed perfect. Everyone thought we were going to last.

He was going off to California, something he vowed to never do yet there he was going, for grad school. I still couldn't understand why he had to go so far away.

"I promise that when I come back we'll be together," he'd say but he didn't know. He didn't understand that even if he wouldn't move on I'd need to. I couldn't just hold on to him like that because I wouldn't be able to survive.

But every time he'd say that I'd always respond the same way with, "Yeah I know." He always would hold me and tell me that he loved me and then kiss my forehead.

One day when I had gotten particularly frustrated I outright asked him if we were going to break up. He chocked on the coke he was drinking and nearly broke the waitress's foot with the plate that he sent soaring to the floor. "What do you mean?" he asked, his eyes big and bright.

"I mean are we going to break up when you leave?" I restated myself and he looked as if he might get sick.

"I don't know. Do you want to?" him asking it in this way made me sick to my stomach for even thinking it.

"It's just that you're going to be so far away and you're going to be meeting new girls, new girls that you might want to date. And maybe it'd be good for us. You know, make sure we are meant to be." I looked into his eyes and he seemed to be stuck in a bog instead of me.

"I see," he said straight forward. "Are we going to wait till I actually leave or are we going to experiment now?" he looked at his plate. I couldn't believe what I had just done. I broke the man I loved heart.

"No of course not. Do you understand why I'm doing this?"

He shook his head then said, "Of course I don't know. Mia I thought you loved me."

"I do!" I protested. "It's just that I want to make sure I get all temptation out of my system before I commit myself to you forever. I mean what if I get bored of you? I don't want that."

"So I bore you? I was pretty sure that you loved me but I guess not. You know Mia sometimes you get people all wrong. I guess I got you wrong." He stood leaving money on the table. He practically ran to the door waving down a cab.

"Michael! Wait!" I yelled after him. He tried to leave but I slide into the cab after him before he shut the door. He slide as far away from me as possible.

"Sir, do you want to bring this young woman home too?" the very strange polite cab driver asked, it must have been his first day.

"Uh," Michael grunted. I gave him Michael's address and I started to try to explain.

"I love you." He looked out of the window. I pushed as far over as possible to where our legs where touching. "I just think we should do this because I do want to spend my life with you but I've only been with you so what if I get tempted by the grass on the other side? At least if I do this now I can know that my grass will always be brighter with you." He seemed to be listening. His shoulders fell a little as he concentrated on my words. He seemed to be hanging to my every word.

"Pookie will always love her baby," I said and he finally turned.

"I love you, too." He looked at me. His eyes weren't lost anymore but they were penetrating on me. "I understand why you had to do what you did. I was going to suggest it probably."

"Aww come on kiss her already," the cab driver looked back at us with his eyes full of tears. Michael grabbed my hand and squeezed it softly.

"I love you, Thermopolis. You are amazing," he said under his breath as our lips were only centimeters apart. The cab driver turned around and snapped a picture as we were at a red light.

"You are my first costumers!"

Michael held my hand and looked in my eyes. "I'm going to miss you more than you will ever understand." I felt tears develop in my eyes.

"I will miss you more," I said back.

"I don't think so," Michael countered. He sat in the cab the rest of the way to his apartment looking at me, holding my hand and tucking my head under his chin.

The day of his graduation was so hard on me. I stood in front of the mirror of his mom's apartment and tried to apply make up under my eyes so that you couldn't see the dark circles under my eyes from when I couldn't go to sleep last night. I was worried. What if he did meet a new better girl and when he came back we couldn't be together? I won't lie, Michael is a stud and the only way some girl can't see that is if she's blind.

I walked into his room where he was only in his boxers. "Hey!" he said as he tried to cover himself.

"It's me." I fell onto his bed. I looked at where his stars had once been; now they were no longer there because his mom was redoing his room.

"Hey me." Hey laid next to me on his side. If it was at all possible, he had gained even more muscle then when we had started dating. He looked like that Olympic swimmer now. What was his name? Oh yeah Michael Phelps. His muscles sometimes over whelmed me. It was like he was so perfect. I slide my arm in between his arm and his chest. He moaned softly.

"Why are you leaving?" I asked him again. He kissed my forehead before he responded. At first I thought he was asleep but then I felt his fingers go in circles around my back. He fell backward pulling me on top of him.

"Can we not talk about this today? I still have a couple of weeks. Can we just …just lay here?" his eyes were watery. I burred my face in his chest.

"Yeah, sure." His chest was a nice place to cry and his hand comforted me as he started shaking softly. I guess it was harder on him then it was on me just because he was responsible for my tears.

I looked up at him, tears rolling down his face. I kissed them away and held his hand. I tried to be his strength but it was so hard. I couldn't be this strong.


	2. Love Letters You Never Meant to Send

"Mia you have to come! You haven't been to one of these things since... well two years ago and I think there is someone who is going to be there that you are going to want to meet."

"I don't know Lil. I just don't know how well I'll handle myself without Michael," I opened the refrigerator for yet another lonely night at my mother's apartment.

"You have to get out of that place, you're becoming very pathetic. You know that right?"

"Hey! I'm not pathetic!" Good thing she couldn't see me still in my pj's from the night before. "I'm just not in the mood ok? I do have other things to do."

"Like email my brother? Please that isn't important. He's still going to be waiting tomorrow. Just come okay?"

"Lilly," I said in frustration, "it's not that he isn't going to be here it's that I miss him but I don't think you could ever understand that."

"That was harsh! You don't think I miss Jean Paul? I miss him more and more every day but I'm dealing unlike someone else. And weren't you the one who wanted to end your relationship with Michael to see if you truly are meant for each other? And now you are scared to answer the door for the delivery man because you're scared of betraying my brother."

"That's- fine I'll come. But only for a little while. I really have to get back and wait for a package. My mom is waiting for something from the Art Society or something and she put me in charge." It sounded like a good excuse but Lilly didn't buy it.

"Please," she said in disgust, "You are almost 22 years old and your mother won't let you out of the house. I'm not going to let you out until after 12 and you are going to give a guy a number."

"Lilly no!" I grabbed the phone so hard I thought it was going to break under the pressure. "What club?"

"That one in Greenwich near my parent's old place. And Mia can you at least put makeup on?"

I sighed loudly, "Fine but don't expect a dress or anything because that's really not happening."

"Mia!!! You look amazing!"

"Lilly are you already drunk?" I covered my nose from the smell of her breath.

"No!! I'm wasted!" she grabbed my waist and brought me the front of the line for drinks. "Try some of this.

What's it called?"

"Martinis," the bartender said.

"Right. Mia you should get one." She pulled out some money and put it on the bar.

"How many of these have you bought?" I took some of the confetti out of her hair.

"I didn't buy any. Guys are buying them for me." She leaned over the bar and gave the bartender a kiss and all he looked at were her boobs.

"Lilly!" I pulled her back and sat on a stool. I rubbed my head, 'Dear God,' I thought 'please let this be over soon.'

"How many of these did she have?" I asked the guy behind the bar holding the glass in my hand.

"Only two," he smiled, "after that I started giving her non-alcoholic stuff."

"You gave her olive water?"

"Yeah, I figured that she wasn't going to be able to tell a difference." He winked at me then grabbed the rag he was using to clean the bar and threw it on his shoulder. "Can I get you something? Martini?"

"No, um I'm more of Marlow type of person." His face fell. "How about a Cherry Coke."

"Yes very high end." He fixed my drink then leaned forward as I pulled out some money. "Nah, it's on the house. You might want to go get your friend though, she looks kind of um intoxicated."

"Are you sure you didn't do something to her drink?" I stepped on the stool and began to get Lilly down but it seemed to be of no use.

"I'm sure," he laughed and gave me a hand trying to pull Lilly off of the pole.

"Fine! I'm off." Lilly pulled away and me and the bartender fell onto each other.

"Jim!" the other man behind the bar yelled.

"Hold on!" he screamed back. He looked me in the eyes when he said, "Why haven't you come here before?"

"I don't know. Well I kind of have a boyfriend but he's in California and we broke up and- and it's complicated."

"I can tell." Someone pushed me and he grabbed my waist. "I'm Jim."

"I know."

"Jim! You need to work! It's your JOB!!"

"Coming. What's your name?"

"It's Mia. You should probably go." I stepped back and stood on the stool I had used to get up. Jim got down too and got behind the bar where he was looking at me behind his dark curly hair.

"I hope you'll stay till 12, that's when my shift ends, and I hope you'll let me get you coffee. Then I hope you'll give me your number and I hope that you hope after that I'll call you tomorrow at 3 in the afternoon and ask you on a date for the following day." His eyes drifted to the costumers for only a second then he'd look at me and finally when he finished I felt like I knew him forever.

"Yeah I'll stay till 12 but you have to do the rest of the work," I said as I walked away from the bar and stumbled into Lilly.

"Hey! What's been happening?"

"How many drinks have you had from the other bartender?"

"What other bartender?" she started dancing and she grabbed me making me dance. "Did you see the person I wanted you to see?"

"Jim? Yeah we're going get coffee tonight after he gets off."

"No. Who's Jim? I meant him," she pointed to a guy who was turned around his hair dark and long, his skin light and over a mass of muscle.

"Oh my God!!!"

"He's not who you think--"

"Lilly, save it." I made my way quickly to him. I ran my hand through his hair, which gave him goose bumps. "Baby, I've missed you."

"No it's David but you don't know how often me and Baby get mixed up." He turned and I couldn't believe my eyes, his eyes weren't brown they were a deep green and he didn't have the sexy smile I had grown to love. I snatched my hand back and looked at him apologetically.

"I'm so sorry. I thought you were this guy I dated who went away. I mean you look like him. Um, I guess I should go." I turned and got ready to get ready to hightail it out of there.

"No wait! You're the one Lilly wanted me to meet right? Mia?"

"Um yeah." I started to rub my elbow, a sign of my nerves, and then turned to go again.

"Wait! Do you want to sit and talk?"

"I can't I'm kind of waiting for someone. But maybe later."

"Can I have your number then?"

"Do you really think I'm that easy?" I turned and smiled at him then proceeded to the bar to sit next to Lilly as Jim gave her olive water unknowingly.

"Hey, you ready to go?" Jim asked me at exactly 12 o'clock.

"Sure!' He wrapped his arm around me and led me outside." You don't like staying there any longer then you have to, do you?" I asked as we stepped onto the street.

"Pretty much. Who likes spending all their time at work?"

"At least you have a cool job," I said nastily.

"What do you mean? What do you do?"

"Family business, not very fun." We walked into a dimly lit coffee house and Jim sat at one of the tables like he was a regular.

"So why did your friend have to drag you out tonight?" I looked up from the newspaper and looked at him.

"What did she tell you when I was in the bathroom?"

"Nothing. I think it's kind of cool that you don't go out. The only reason I became a bartender was because in college I needed a job that wouldn't interfere with my day classes and then the pay is so good that I decided that I might as well continue because let's face it I need money if I want to settle down later."

"That's sweet." I smiled at him and he looked away swiftly his eyes a gleaming blue.

"If I knew that's all I had to do to impress you I wouldn't have stood on the bar with you."

"You're not much of a smiler are you?" I looked at him for a little while were the nearest thing to a smile I saw all night came.

"I do it's just that I'm tired and I don't like wasting my smiles. It gives the times that I do smile more importance."

"One of your parents is a dentist right?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?" He picked up his cup and his hands looked large and powerful.

"My roommate in college had parents that were dentist and she always said stuff like that."

"I didn't know we all made similar statements."

"Obviously you do." I looked at him for a second and thought of the last time I had ever felt this way about someone. He never had stubble like Jim or the curl his lips formed that was his smile. Jim didn't try to make me laugh or kiss me good night, or at least not on the lips. He didn't feel weird putting his arms around my shoulders for the first time or nervous about brushing his lips on my cheek.

"I'll call you tomorrow," he said as we got to the loft and he waited to make sure I got upstairs and in the door before he left.

"I'll see you in two days."

"Actually," he replied leaning on the door way basked in a yellowish light, "its tomorrow. You'll see me tomorrow." I guess I looked at him strange and he said, "It's three in the morning."

"Wow!" I said laughing. Then he grabbed my hand and kissed it softly then turned and left to go down the stairs.


	3. Nicest Thing

I wrote 2,045 just for you so happy late holidays. I just want to remind you that this isn't the princess diaries where Michael goes to Japan instead he goes to California. I started writing this before I had heard anything about the 8th book and I decided not to change it. The Nicest Thing is a song by Kate Nash that sort of sums up my inspiration for this chapter. R&R please.

The nicest thing

"Jim," I whispered, "I don't think that goes there." He only laughed then continued starring into my eyes. "What are you doing?" My voice was still low, there was just something about this moment that made me want to whisper.

"What I've been waiting to do since we met." I looked down at his hand, which was covering mine. I still hadn't seen what he had done, he wouldn't show me. "So what do you think?" finally he lifted his hand and I gasped.

"What is it?" I asked. He laughed then kissed my cheek. "No seriously, what is it?" I raised my hand and looked at my finger in the sun light.

"Well you see I got my jeweler friend to make something just for you." He tugged me into his lap and started flipping through the channels finally landing on Lifetime, which he knows I love. "What do you want to do today?" No guy had ever gotten me a ring before and okay this really wasn't like a nice ring, just a little trinket from a candy machine but still it was a ring. Jim doesn't really like it when I space out like this. He hates when he asks me something and I don't answer right away.

"I don't know," I replied settling into his chest. "Lilly wants me to go to her house for a luncheon or something. But you don't have to go to that," I added quickly. He nodded as if to say he wouldn't be going then he grabbed the drink he had off of the end table by the couch and placed it on my neck. "Mmm, that fells good." I already had Goosebumps from the few seconds the drink had been on my skin but Jim showed no signs of removing it. "Hey it's getting cold!" I yelled playfully before jumping off of his lap and nearly falling over a stack of magazines that had been accumulating over the past two months.

"Wow, watch out babe," Jim said looping an arm around me to keep me up. I cringed at the b word and Jim just smiled. "You are so cute," he whispered laying a butterfly kiss on my lips and then on both of my eyes. He pulled me closer towards him and put a hand on the small of my back in the inside of my shirt.

"I gotta go," I said pulling away and grabbing my bag off of the couch. I was halfway toward the door when Jim told me to call him after I was down with Lilly because he wanted to see me before he had to work.

I walked into Lilly's tiny apartment and was amazed by just how many people she had fit in it. All the people we went to school with were there plus some people who worked with her at the publishing house. Lilly seemed to love her job since it gave her the ability to decide what other people would read. Then there was the guy from the club. I felt so bad, I couldn't remember his name and worst was every time I looked at him I thought he was Michael and I wanted to say Michael. Lilly was ruthless. She was trying so hard to get me right next to him. When I walked in she asked me to go get something in the kitchen, where nameless male was stirring something in a pot on the stove. Before dinner Lilly sat me next to John Doe on the couch, or more accurately on top of John Doe on the couch. He wasn't saying anything and I am terminally shy so I wasn't just going to start a huge conversation while I was sitting on his lap. Dinner was the worst. Lilly's kitchen was so small that half of us had to eat in the living room and some of us had to even eat on her small balcony, when I say small I mean the size of a fire escape without the stairs and by some I mean mystery guy and myself. We were quiet for a while, I counted the breaths I took in a minute, and he chewed on some lettuce. I started tapping out a random beat and he drank ice water. I was going to kill Lilly as soon as I got a chance

"She must want us together, huh?" Mystery man said. He pulled on one of his wavy locks still yet to look at me. I was going to say something about the barbaric grooming habits of males but I refrained.

"Yeah I guess," I replied. I guess I was attracted to him in a small way just like the size of Mount Everest but really it wasn't a huge amount of attraction on my point. God, I was screwed because not only did he look like Michael I had a…a… Jim. And okay Jim could be possessive sometimes and I didn't always like the way he talked to me I had never been one to just flirt with a guy while I had a boyfriend. And okay that was a lie because that was how Michael and I got together sort of but it was Kenny for Christ sake. And I was attracted to Jim but this guy and the way he looked made me feel like I had come home.

"She a manipulator, that one." His legs were extended in front of him so his feet were hanging over the edge of the metal railing. I could see his little Snoopy band aid on his ankle and I suddenly wondered why he needed a band aid. I had never wondered that before about Jim. I also didn't look at Jim the same way I was looking at this stranger and that might have been because of the way he looked but I doubted it. He was rather intriguing on his own.

"She always has been. I'm Mia by the way," I threw in quickly. I hoped he thought my blush was from the heat but by the way he smiled I knew he knew otherwise.

"I know." He looked inside and nodded toward the dinning room. "Lilly talks about you all the time. She says we'd be perfect for each other." In the back of my mind I said no we wouldn't because I'm meant to be with Michael but I kind of trained my brain to stop thinking that way. "I keep telling her that I don't know you but she just says we have compatible souls or something. I think her parents went overboard on the whole psycho-analysis thing but that just might be me." I couldn't help but fall into a fit of giggles. I hadn't laughed like that in a while and I realized that if felt good to do so. Jim never made me laugh like that.

"It's not just you," I managed between giggle fits. Now he was laughing with me and we were making each other laugh harder with our snorts (which we both had and the first time we did snort we snorted together and it set us into a whole new level of laughter.) The laughter finally subsided when we lacked much oxygen and had to stop to preserve our lifes or at least a few brain cells.

"Oh my God," I said when we walked inside. I draped an arm over his and allowed him to sort of show me off I guess. "I haven't laughed that hard since Mi- well just in a long time." I bit my lip and smiled.

"And over seemingly nothing," David agreed. His name was David, he was from California, and Lilly was publishing a magazine on him among other young politic hopefuls. He was the type of guy Grandmere would love and set me up with, which was her new favorite task even though I told her repeatedly that I was dating Jim. Jim's line of work was not acceptable. You can't be in the night life and lead a respectable one at the same time.

Lilly threw us a told you so look and continued flirting with some big shot from her office. She recently told me that she believed that she could climb her way to the top even if she used no sex appeal. I say ha. Because leaving out the little extra attention she was giving him she also had on a skirt that I knew was a little too short for her style and way too much makeup for someone just hosting a little friends get together.

"So," David said as he walked me to the elevator. He walked awkwardly, hands in his backs swaying from side to side almost like some weird dance. He told me he wasn't walking me to the elevator simply enjoying the not cramped space and getting a little much needed exercise (again I say ha; he had the perfect body a mix between Boris post working out to help his diaphragm and well his look-a-like (and if you think about it the fact that I think he has a body like Boris and admitted it looked good shows that I have been lacking in the intimate part of my life even if I do have Jim).

"So," I said back to him. I'm sure Grandmere wouldn't have been impressed by my communication skills since technically I wasn't using full sentences. But to tell the truth I couldn't even think in English I had all these sentences flying around in my head but I couldn't think of a full sentence in English, it was something Grandmere had done to me honestly. David didn't look concerned that I couldn't make a sentence though.

"I was wondering," he cleared his throat, "if maybe you'd like to come to dinner with me sometime. I mean if that's your style." God, how could this happen? I mean David, wonderful made me laugh David, wanted me to go out with him. Why couldn't I have so many guys coming at me in high school? Well I don't mean that because I had Michael and I doubt I would have even noticed. But know I have Jim and the thing is I was noticing David. Like the way he grinned at me or he'd find a way to touch me in little shy ways so no one knew they were intentional and maybe they weren't intentional it was just naturally for us to touch like that. God, I was mind blabbering. I hated when I did that.

"Jim," I started clearing my mind and trying to of something to say. I didn't want to be the normal stupid rejecter, "the thing is-"

"Oh, things never turn out good like that." I thought he was going to turn and go but he didn't, he stayed and somehow that made something in me trigger. I don't know how one goes from liking one person to another so fast. I diffidently didn't go from liking Michael to like someone else so fast. But David was so… right, for me for my life. And Jim was just okay I guess. He didn't get everything about me and I knew David never would either but he'd probably come closer then Jim ever would and I think that's what dating is all about, trading up in order to find the person who would get to know you the best. So I didn't know if Jim was that person for me but he was the next step to finding him.

"No, um," how did I put this? God, why couldn't Grandmere ever have a princess lesson on how to deal with this type of situation, I mean I knew what to do if someone told me they loved me but nothing about telling someone who thought you were going to turn them down that yes you wanted to go out with them but because you had a boyfriend things could get complicated.

So I just told him yes. About dinner and about him walking me home. And about him coming into my apartment. And about making out with him in the elevator on the way up.


End file.
